The world as we know it has become a place where keeping up appearances is more important than anything else and we aim so much to fit in that we would literally sell our soul to the devil to achieve this. The result is a lot of people walking around with emptiness and a dark Cloud hovering over their very soul. Yet with all the smiles and laughter we see each day, lies lost souls walking around trying to pretend life is fine and they know how to handle it all.
Have you ever paused to ask yourself who you are? Ask yourself this simple question in all honesty and allow yourself to feel the response your emotions will bring you, you will be amazed at what you will find. It is likely you will feel lost and not even know who you really are or what you stand for. We walk around pretending we do not care what others think of us but all we actually do is to make decisions based on what others think of us. I always say most people who are quick to exclaim “I don’t care what people think of me” are actually crying out for help because they are tired of being concerned by what people think of them. I might be wrong but mostly that is the case.
When people hear of others committing suicide the first reaction is shock and surprise because they usually think the person has got it all together but the truth is people who look strong on the outside are usually very emotionally weak. This is the more reason why we should be careful what we say to people and how we treat others because that one hateful statement might just be the trigger that person needs to take their own life or that of another person.
Those days when I hear of suicide, I think to myself it is the last thing on my mind and that there is nothing and I mean nothing that can make me think about suicide let alone going ahead to actually carry it out. Oh how wrong I was. I just needed to think that to be tested on it.
It was just an ordinary day when all my problems started driving into my head one after the other and I felt so lost and empty. I would usually talk to my mother but my mother makes it hard for me to tell her my problems because once I confide in her she starts to get worried about whatever it is that we have discussed and I see her hurting and sometimes crying on my behalf and I hate how that makes me feel so I usually don’t want to burden her with my problems. All I therefore did was to stay in my room and cry and overhyped my problems and made them bigger than they actually were and in my mind life was no longer worth living. I started thinking of ways to commit suicide. Nothing else mattered not even with all that I had achieved for myself because as a young lady I had actually done pretty well for myself and my family and extended family would always tell me that. For this dark period all that did not exist.
Suddenly it was no longer about me but my mother, I thought of how she would cope without me. She would cry her eye balls out and ache till she probably dies out of the pain and I could not let that happen. She had already endured so much in life and I didn’t want to add a lifetime of heartache to it. These thoughts snapped me back to reality and looking back I realized how trivial these problems were but at that time I could not really wrap my mind around that and see how it will all eventually work out.
Since that experience I have realized how fragile we can be and I have stopped judging people who commit suicide. You might think they are selfish and over pampered idiots but they are not because at that moment of weakness and agony, it was the only way out that was known to them.
To anybody who has ever contemplated suicide hold on and know that life has a way of sorting itself out or talk to somebody, pray, scream or do whatever it takes to get you back to your clarity.
And to all those who have lost loved ones to suicide, please forgive them and let go (not very easy I can imagine) because at that point it was the only way they knew how to stop their pain and as selfish as it may seem they actually did not want to burden you with their problems.
HAVE YOU EVER CONTEMPLATED SUICIDE? WHAT STOPPED YOU? SHARE AND ADVICE